The first post of a new blog is always a little weird, isn’t it? Especially if it’s not one with a certain focus: wine, food, books, the like. This is my first ‘non-focus’ blog in years.
So. Hello. Welcome.
My name is Meagan. I’m 23. And I have questions, doubts, uncertainities, hypocrocies and general opinions that I want to have a forum to express. They don’t fit into my other blogs (wine and food, natch), and well…right now, besides my husband, no one really knows that I struggle with this stuff.
You see, I’m a Christian. I attend a Charasmatic, Evangelical Church in Austin. I love that church. It’s a beautiful place, full of beautiful, warm people that have been nothing but kind and sacrificial to me. I love them. At another time in my life that church and those people helped me regain a footing in the world when I was in danger of stumbling off of a very high precipice. I am forever grateful.
I grew up Southern Baptist. I resented, and still do in many ways, that church and its philosophies. As a child I always had an…unorthodox…side. In my teen years I played around with Wicca and paganism, but found it too flakey. Always intrigued I’d read up on it and then dismiss it when I didn’t feel like the belief system held up to scrutiny. I just couldn’t make myself believe “it”–whatever “it” is. However, I couldn’t—and can’t—deny that I’ve always felt inordinately connected with nature and intuition. Over the past few years I’ve tried to hide it. I’ve grown fearful of what is essentially myself. I’ve been afraid to explore these longings and feelings for fear of scrutiny. For as lovely as the Christian Church is—and don’t kid yourself, there are many aspects of it that are lovely—there are aspects that let judgment, criticism and fear run rampant. Especially with Evangelical Christianity, even more so in Charasmatic churches, but when you put the two together? It can be quiet discouraging to someone with questions and doubts.
So I fought myself for awhile. Then I fought the Church. After, I became apathetic and silent. Now I’m ready to confront myself and find a voice. I will manfully pry the grip of fear off of my life.
One post at a time.
So I welcome you to this journal. I will post on a variety of thoughts—religious, political and just general musings. I encourage discussion, recommendations and healthy discourse.