I started telling my husband things last night. Mainly that I didn’t want to attend our church regularly anymore, that coming up I would start visiting Quaker and Unitarian-Universalist churches. He took it well—especially given that I told him I didn’t believe that Jesus was the only way to the Creator and that I disagreed with our church’s position on other things. Sometimes I would bring up political stances that most of the church has–abortion, actively–and he answered that no place would be perfect. Which is true. But the crux of my argument is not only have I changed but I don’t feel like I belong or am wanted at this church if I am different. Even though a place isn’t perfect, I don’t think churches should get politically involved…and our church has. Which is sad. It’s too polarizing. Though…it has caused me to deeply question my beliefs and come to terms with the unease I’ve had about being there.
I think going in steps is best…switching churches first, then moving on to some of the other things (investigating paganism, for instance). Since I’m not exactly sure where I’m going…I’m not sure how good it would be to be like: “HEY! I’M _____ SO DEAL!” That’s not honest, for one, since I don’t know yet where I stand, and two, that’s not how our relationship works. I’ll bring things up as I read them, ask questions and organically let him know where I’m going. I think that’s much better than all of a sudden telling someone that you’re ____. In this case, anyway—since things are evolving as we speak. Again, I have to say: I married a wonderful man.
So, my questions for the day:
1. How does one go about constructing a theology—their own systems of belief? I think there is an intuitive side, but also an academic, rational one. Are there books or places to begin structuring these things?
2. I’d like some books on the Celtic myths/history. Solid, accurate ones. Also—any 101 type books—paganism, druidry, etc. But real, slow-to-read-’cause-I-have-to-digest kind of books.
Off to do my favorite spiritual activity…napping!