I bought my first Tarot deck on Tuesday.
I started writing a post (for over an hour) about the experience of buying the deck, but it just didn’t seem to address the heart of that matter. I knew that I wanted to introduce the topic onto the blog, but all the words just seemed…flat. So I’ll put the topic out there, and perhaps later I’ll revisit the experience of buying the deck.
So let’s do a little play-blogging. I’m going to ask myself questions and answer them. Maybe we’ll get somewhere.
Why did you buy a Tarot deck?
I bought it for a few reasons. Primarily as a journaling tool, but I’m interested in other applications.
Why do you need a journaling tool? Especially one like the Tarot? Can’t you just sit there and think?
Again, I have a few reasons for this. I am a visual person and looking at something helps to agitate my mind and get me thinking. I’ve read in several places about Jungian therapists using the Tarot as an archetype tool to address their patients addictions and depression. As I am currently dealing with those two things (eating disorder and depression) I felt I needed a little help. I could just sit there and think, but a person’s ego, I believe, resists plumbing honestly into their own darkness. Without the help of a therapist, at present, I desired a tool that would guide me.
Did it work?
Yes. I did a simple spread and journaled for well over an hour. I’m not sure of the proper word usage here. “It revealed” sounds too much like I believe the Tarot has a consciousness, which I don’t. Let’s say—the cards I drew, and the interpretations I drew from said cards and arrangement, helped me to piece together an overarching problem I’ve been having. It helped to see it visually, interpret it, then write in my journal.
Any after effects?
Yes. For the past two days I’ve felt more clear-headed than I have in a long, long time. This could be for a few other reasons: I’ve been exercising consistently (but I always do that), I had a great weekend, I dealt with some issues in my personal life that were reeking havoc (apart from the depression/eating disorder mix, though, certainly, a contributing factor to its intensity). Cart before horse? I don’t know. How about everything interrelated?
Does this mean that you are a PAGAN?
Labels, at the moment, are uncomfortable. I’ve always rushed into labeling myself too fast. I’m given to this cycle: extreme view-point, perfectionism, pride, fall, burn out. That cycle is so persistent in my life it would be almost laughable if it wasn’t so dangerous.
However. Let’s just say that I’m leaning towards paganism in…a more distinct manner. The Christian label doesn’t fit me anymore, and I’m not “just” agnostic.
Then again, how useful are labels? Ah, the never ending battle…
Isn’t the Tarot a fortune-telling tool? One for divining the future?
I suppose one could use it that way, though I’d find that unethical both on the part of the reader and the seeker. I view it as a tool to hone intuition, to delve into current and past situations, to predict possible outcomes of acting out of those different places. And while some might argue “that’s a fine line”—well, not really. Predicting the future is a very distinct action, and not one that I am trying to practice. I’m trying to gain insight, and, for what it’s worth, most people who use the tarot seem to view it in the same manner. A divining of self, not of the ever-fluid future.
Were you afraid to buy a deck?
At one point, yes. A few months ago I started playing with the notion of getting a deck, but I never did. Truthfully, I am still furtive when it comes to even being in the Pagan book section of Barnes and Noble, or the Metaphysics section of Half-Priced Books, but that’s more that I don’t want people to see me. Buying the deck—I had to overcome some residual slime of hell, damnation, demons and punishment (!!!!). Fear, fear, fear. But since I first played with the notion, till now, I’ve overcome that fear. Fear comes from misunderstanding, which is exactly what I had about the function and use of Tarot. And any paganism/witchcraft really….though, that’s definitely a topic for another time.
Okay. Well. So there it is…the Q & A. Much more concise than the drawn out ramble. Questions, comments, advice are always welcome.
“Truthfully, I am still furtive when it comes to even being in the Pagan book section of Barnes and Noble, or the Metaphysics section of Half-Priced Books, but that’s more that I don’t want people to see me.”
I remember feeling that way! 🙂 It’s funny, but these days most of my “Pagan”-related reading comes from the philosophy and natural sciences sections of the bookstore. I still wander over to the “New Age” section occasionally to browse.. but find that while I used to be worried about getting caught there by “normal people,” now I’m embarrassed if I get caught there by Pagans, most of whom know too well the kind of fluff the average New Age/Occult bookstore section carries! 😉
Good luck with the Tarot deck work, and with the labeling. No need to rush, especially since some of the most deeply committed Pagans I know have ambivalent feelings about the label anyway.
Most of my ‘pagan’ related reading right now has to do with history and peeling off layers of false history I’ve learned, so I know what you mean. Still, the pagan section can be fun…and it’s always interesting to see what people are publishing and what’s popular—kind of like perusing the romance novels 🙂 Thanks for the good wishes and thanks for commenting!
Don’t worry about labels, they don’t tell the whole story anyway.
Paganism is simply a means of living a spiritual life that doesn’t involve one of the classical, structured religions’ (i.e. Christianity, Buddhism, Islam, etc.) beliefs.
I consider myself to be Eclectic Wiccan, which is taking from wherever I find truth for myself, with a bent towards Goddess-worship.
And I agree with you that reading Tarot is not a concrete means of “predicting” the future. It is in fact a tool used to divine what direction a person is headed, if they stay on the path they’re currently on. It is not set in stone, and any good reader will tell you that. A change in direction changes the cards.
In my view, it picks up the energy of the person being read, and allows the reader to interpret it with pictures. Nothing more, nothing less. It is supposed to be a tool to help people understand more about themselves, so they can make the decisions that will help them get where they need to go.
I really liked your post, thank you!
Thank you for commenting! I’ve gathered that there is a lot of ambivalence about the label ‘pagan’. I’ve heard a lot of “I’m pagan, but…” or “I’m pagan, with…” I appreciate that ambivalence, though, I think it can allow for more honesty. Whose spirituality can be labeled in one word, anyway?
[…] past week has been confusing, inspiring, lonely, emotional, raw and joyful. I started it with buying my first Tarot deck and today I cast and sat in my first circle. Ruminations on that to […]